Can the desire to change be awakened? Why Social Versatility is a leadership skill
"I've come to realize something about myself," one of my coaching clients wrote after we had completed several intense and emotional coaching sessions focused on his interactions with colleagues.
“It has become obvious that I’m simply not inclined to change my position. If someone shares my perspective—great. We work productively, and there’s real synergy. But if a colleague has a different point of view, conflict is almost inevitable. First, I try to persuade them. I explain my reasoning. I try to bring them over to my side. But if that doesn’t work, conflict follows. If they’re my direct reports, I eventually let them go. With senior management, I either become an excellent supporter or an influential behind-the-scenes advisor. If our views don’t align, I resign. With peers at my level, it’s often a disaster. Disagreements with managers of neighboring departments become even more intense because I expect more from them—I work harder than others (or at least I believe I do). So I guess my real challenge is a lack of social versatility. What’s strange is that although I understand this intellectually, my nature still rejects the idea of compromising or changing the way I interact with people.”
His message brought me back to one of my favorite coaching questions:
Who is actually responsible for awakening the desire to change—the coach or the coachee? How many coaching conversations should a coach have before accepting that a client understands everything intellectually, yet still feels unable—or unwilling—to change?
These questions matter because we do not want the Human Logic Styles framework to become another personality label, a fortune-telling exercise, or a horoscope. Understanding ourselves should lead to meaningful development, not simply self-description.
Human Logic Styles does not offer simple answers or one-size-fits-all solutions. We do not divide people into “right” and “wrong” types, and we cannot force anyone to change (maybe just a little bitJ).
What we can do is help people discover something new about themselves, about others, and about the patterns that shape everyday interactions. Our tools encourage people to strengthen their behavioral “muscles” and become more attentive observers of the signals others send. Observation leads to understanding. Understanding creates choice. And choice makes new behavior possible. For managers, this is where one of the most important leadership competencies begins: social versatility.
Technical expertise, strategic thinking, and determination may help managers achieve results, but leadership is ultimately exercised through relationships. The ability to adapt one’s communication style, understand different perspectives, and respond effectively to people who think differently is not a sign of weakness—it is a sign of maturity.
Social versatility does not mean abandoning your principles. It means expanding your behavioral repertoire so that you can remain effective with people whose motivations, priorities, and ways of thinking differ from your own.
Ultimately, the desire to change cannot be imposed from the outside. It emerges when people see that developing greater social versatility does not diminish who they are—it makes them more effective leaders. Perhaps that is the real purpose of Human Logic Styles: not to tell us who we are, but to help us become better at working with others.
